DEAR ABBY: My mother has been a drinker for many years, but the past few years it has escalated. She and her partner drink heavily during the day on a daily basis. They embarrass themselves at family gatherings and don’t remember conversations.
I live out of state, and 90% of the time I talk with my mom, she is drunk. Family members are concerned, and it is affecting their relationships, but I don’t think Mom and her partner recognize it. I have tried talking with her about it and so has my aunt. She avoids the conversation and pretends like it never happened.
She’s now in her 70s and retired. I’m not sure there’s anything we can do. I’m having a hard time talking with her when she’s drunk, and we are drifting apart because of it. Do you have any advice? -- TIRED OF IT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TIRED: It isn’t surprising that you and your mother are drifting apart. Dealing with an addict who is in denial is impossible. As much as you would like to, you can’t “fix” your mother or her drinking buddy.
You can, however, save yourself tears and worry by finding a chapter of Al-Anon in your community and attending some meetings (al-anon.org/info). Once you start searching, you will find they are everywhere. Al-Anon, an offshoot of AA, was created for family members and others who are affected by an alcoholic’s addiction.
It is important for your own well-being that you do not shoulder responsibility for what is happening with your mother. Once you meet other adults who are coping with the same problems you are, you will understand that.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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